You are so strong. I’ve heard that phrase or a variation thereof more in the past three years than in the rest of my life. What changed? I didn’t start lifting weights and I certainly don’t work out. Maybe Marvel showed up with their super soldier potion and I’m now a female Captain America. In truth, nothing changed. Not physically anyway. What changed were my circumstances. The thing is when people say that all I can think of are the times I’ve spent completely prone on the floor beside my son’s bed in body racking sobs. I think of the numerous times I’ve started crying on the phone after hours fighting with the insurance or trying to get my disabled son, Disability or Medicaid assistance. I think of the 2 BOXES of tissues I went through in one afternoon in the hospital. These things are not strong. I am not strong. Truth is I’m a mess. My house is a mess. When someone says, “I don’t know how you do it!” the truth is neither do I. Well that isn’t entirely true. The correct response is, “I don’t.” I don’t do it and I’m not strong. Not on my own. God is. It is only through God the tears finally dry up. It is only through God I get up off the floor. It is through God I am able to try and try again with insurance and other things. It is through God we make it to (almost) all of our doctor appointments. It is only through God I am able to get out of bed two or three…or more times a night. It is only through God and His love for me that I am able to have a smile most of the time. He has given me the friends and family in my life that support and truly help “bear my burdens”. (Galations 6:2) He has given me just enough to know I am nothing without Him. It is only through God that I make it through each day. I am not strong but my God, my Savior, my Lord who loves me so much He sacrificed His Son for me…He. He is strong.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
Hysteria and Heroics 